The fears of the past

Sometimes when I reflect back to the past, I realised that there are a lot of stupid, crazy things which I have done, which should not have even happened in the first place. I guess there's no way to turn back time and undo those of which that have been done. One of the things which I really hate about my past is that I used to go out with a lot of girls, either one at a time or several at once. Some might call me a playboy or even a Casanova( Isk if you reading, stop laughing k?). However, I can't really blame myself for that since I was at the stage where I was experimenting with relationships and getting to know about what it was. I would often use sweet words or even come up with intricate expressions just to win the girls' hearts. Thankfully, at the end of the whole thing, I realised that what I did was wrong and that I must have hurt the other party terribly when I ended off the relationships suddenly. At the point of time, I didn't know what I wanted. I was too young to make such decisions. I tried to use reasons and rationale to justify my ways then. Why I went out with a lot of girls at the same time. But it's not the same. And when I really lost something that was dear to my heart, that was when I realised, I shouldn't be doing this. Good or bad deeds have always had a way of making their way around and back at you. If you did good things, good for you. If you did bad, then you better brace for the future.

However, life is not all about the past. You can never change the past, but you can use the past to guide your future actions so that you don't let history repeats itself. History is aptly named history because it was something that happened in the past and thus should never be repeated again in the course of time. Although I may say all this, we always hang on to our past. From there, we begin to fear. We fear that what we did in the past might come back to haunt us. I have on several occasions have fleeting notions of these kinds of fears. But I always try to brush them off and tell myself to be brave. To not fear the past.

What we fear is just an illusion and if we believe strongly in these fears, it in turn becomes our reality. Well, what I'm trying to say here is that we must be able to stay strong in the future. Mentally, not physically. If you were mentally strong, nothing in this world will be of consequence to you. You will be like a person encased in a barrier which bounces off all the world's negativity because you don't fear, fear itself. This feat in itself is definitely harder than how it may seem like. It would be even harder than the most complex, intricate mathematical equation that can ever be devised. One that even Einstein might have difficulties with. But it is definitely not impossible. Cause all you got to do is believe in yourself, to believe that you are without fear, to let go of all worldly desires, so that one day you might be able to attain a state in which you are one with the world and yet you are separate from it.

This might be a random yet strange topic for those readers who know me because seldom do I ever delve into these kinds of topics for fear that people might not be able to comprehend completely what I say in its entirety. And yet again, I managed to let fear get the better of me. Therefore, I have decided to change, to not let fear rule over me but instead let me overcome fear. So this blog might become very philosophical in the future. So if you feel like reading about what I say, what I think about, then please continue visiting this blog.