Songs and reasoning

I've been writing songs for a while. A few came to me as easy as taking a piss while others were like trying to force a big piece of crap out your ass. But all in all, after everything, when I listened to it, i feel relieved and proud and satisfied. It doesn't matter when others say it sucks or that it sounds too common. I like it. I write songs for my own pleasure. It doesn't matter if it's not at the same level as professional musician. All i can say that most people my age wouldn't have written as much songs as I have and that is something of which I am proud of.

I love writing songs. They have become an outlet of my emotions and mostly you would see those emotions as being heartbroken or in love which is kinda true since most of my songs I've been basing it on my past relationship which went sour. It's just a way for me to try and move on from that relationship and finding a new lease on life which I feel only music can help me through. Sometimes I do realize that people are talking bad about me, saying that I'm in over my head, that I'm delusional. I understand that. I question myself sometimes too as to why I do what i do, is it to gain popularity, to be noticed by people around me? As for now, I haven't yet been able to answer those questions. Maybe I'm just too young, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a musician and should just stick to studying like everyone else. Study hard, get good grades, have a stable job and you'll be set for life. I wish i could believe that though. I just don't know anything anymore. Things get complicated as you grow up and the more you learn. Maybe I should have been born autistic. At least I'm living in my own world even if it's delusional. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the harsh vindication of society even the ones I considered to be my friends.